Gameology 2.0

What can I say about Schizm that hasn't already been said (and quite well, I might add) by this "non-review" by Andrew Plotkin? I was gearing up to write a really devestating review of this game, but discovered that Plotkin had beat me to it. So, read his review if you're thinking about buying or playing this game. I think I can be concise here: The game is long and boring. The puzzles are illogical (Plotkin calls them "arbitrary"). The graphics are blurry and poorly rendered (you're expected to read and match up alien symbols that are so blurry you can barely make them out--no lie). It's a shameless rip-off of Riven, except this game does all the bad things Riven does worse. Life is too short for games like Schizm. Play that Lucas Arts or Sierra game you missed instead. The only people that are likely to be drawn to a game like this are people who...Err...Hm. Does anyone like this game?

Nevertheless, there are some innovations here that had potential. One thing I really was excited about at first was the dual avatar system. You can switch back and forth Zak McCraken style between Sam and Hannah, and each start in different worlds. Although you can't see each other (this is explained in a rather cheezy fashion), you must team up to solve a few puzzles. Although it's out of your control, the characters occasionally contact each other via their radio headsets and exchange inanities (did I mention the dialogue and voice acting in this game is some of the worst I've ever seen in a game OR on television?) It was a nice setup, and could've been great if the puzzles weren't so poor.

The game does improve a bit on the Riven interface. One thing that's nice (but grows tiresome quickly because of all the mandatory backtracking...yawn!!) is that when you advance to a new location, the camera doesn't "zap" but actually zooms along as though you were walking. It's a neat effect that adds increases immersion, though it was a tease that made me wish for FPS-style movement instead. The rendering here is so poor anyway, I don't think I would've minded the blockiness that occurs whenever you get too close to things in games like Quake.

Another really neat idea was to include an old mechanical computer. I just finished reading a book about Babbage called The Difference Engine, and it was a real treat to see such a device in a GAG (talk about remediation!) However, the machine is part of a puzzle that is so lame I don't want to think about it ever again.

Perhaps the only thing beyond reproach in Schizm is the truly excellent music. It's not Tangerine Dream, but it's still damn sweet. The only problem is that there's not enough of it, which is a shame--listening to such excellent music would've made those long treks back and forth across those barren expanses far more pleasant. There's another great rocking tune that rolls with the final credits. While I'm thinking about it, I'll scan the CDs and see if I can find the OGGs there. Searching for OGGs on the game disks will actually be more fun and potentially rewarding than playing the game anyway!!